i graduated! omg i'm free. ahhhh i'm free. so very very free! yay. i'm sooooooo fucking Happy!!!!!<br>
going to go NUTS or, as they say, BALLS TO THE WALL with my art... and goals in general. taking such a long break has given me a newfound appreciation for the things i love, now that i'm able to take it off the backburner and into the forefront. school was sucking my lifeblood. cuz the purpose of my study was just for a stupid piece of paper that keeps a roof over my head, it's not related to anything i'm passionate about.<br>
i mean, computers can be fun sometimes. but the stuff i'm actually interested in, i didn't spend very much time on in my degree. cause it's a business degree (yawn.) <br>
reading kafka has been comforting, because he was in a similar situation. had to spend an absurd amount of time on dry bureaucracy bullshit that shouldn't exist other than to bar people from care. (he worked in insurance and worker claims law, i think?) he called his job a <i>Brotberuf</i> (bread job). the exact opposite to what he really wanted to be doing, engaging in his imagination. 
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i do love that he integrates his experiences of how much of a fucking LARP corporate bureaucracy is. where everyone busys themselves with useless things, and pretends that their jobs are imperative for the advancement of technology, functioning of greater society or something like that. i don't even know. <br>
it feels just like the movie PlayTime. where people are almost autonomous drones in their actions, responses. i look around the office, at the dismal lighting, dreary decor, paste-gray everything and wonder wtf am i looking at? sometimes makes me wish we were still getting syphillis and banging rocks together. not to sound like a primitivist. if you threw me into the stone age, id get eaten by something within the hour.<br> 
kafka's ability to toe the line between the real and the distorted for the sake of satire is fantastic bc he touches into the absurdity of the experience so acutely. did you know his works were intended as humorous? i see why, i'd often giggle at a passage and wonder if he intended it to be funny. but yeah, he would read some of his stories to his friends and laugh to himself, then find himself bewildered they weren't laughing with him. it's interesting to see humor used to touch into the "real." something i have undeveloped thoughts on, i'd like to consider more when reading stuff that makes me laugh. <br>
wow! a long tangent. i am only capable of writing my thoughts in random tangents. lol. but yeah. what have i been up to?<br>
 i've been continuing to go to my portrait drawing classes. god, my last portrait was really weird looking. i needed to spend more time constructing the face, and getting the proportions right. she looks like an alien... that's fine, will just need to redo it this weekend. it will be a good lesson for me to learn, to stick as long as possible, maybe the whole three hours, with the dry part of the inital sketch.. my first portrait suffered from weird construction too. but i know i'm so close!<br>
i went back to that antique mall i went to the other weekend with my friends again. then we went back to J's place and played smash brothers. probably for far too long. i get really crazy hyper when i play videogames, and i'm a sore loser haha. i played sonic and went into this hypomanic state, pestering my boyfriend like a fly. :> <br>
i got my hair cut. i look like casca now. i'm not sure if it suits me, it's a little too "harsh" and alternative for my taste? but it still looks cute, i think. just might not be my thing personality wise. oh well, it'll grow back! <br>
what else. i've been watching twin peaks.. such a cozy show. actually one of my favorites, i think! umm, still reading camatte. studying spanish. and i've been reading art history too.. i started thumbnailing another comic... yep, generally keeping myself busy. juggling all my interests. heh!