i'm trying to read as much as possible these days. i'm jumping around between a couple books. i'm glad i invested so much into drawing, but can never help but feel if i just had a glimmmer more focus, just a slightly better sense of priorities, if i was a little more confident, i could be much more well read than i am. a more well rounded person. i want to make compelling stories, and artwork. i think being "well read" is an essential condition to that. otherwise, all i'm able to produce is just eye-candy, without any content, it's fluff. not that doesn't have a right to exist, its just not what i want to make.
but you are always behind someone. and i'm pretty happy with my life now, so if the choices i made ended up making me a bit dumb i guess thats how it has to be. if i really wanted to devote my life to my work alone, i would've chosen poverty. but that would've exhausted me to the point i wouldn't have been able to muster the energy required for something as intensive as making artwork. some people are able to do it though. marx was.
i'm pretty insecure about my intelligence. it's something that used to torture me to a greater degree, that i was a failure, but how does that reflect on what i think of other people right? of people who are also "just normal". why would i put them down? is being normal a basis for hating someone? no. life is worth living in of itself. 
you can just enjoy your life, enjoy a new book, enjoy a good cup of coffee, and that "justifies" your existence. it'd be better to say that your existence doesn't NEED justification, that doing things in of themselves and for their own pleasure, is what you were "meant" to do, first and foremost. everything else, is extraordinary. you don't need to measure that "extraordinaryness". if you try to, you're just gonna fall down the same path that justifies eugenics..
i think of people smarter than me, and they do things in of themselves. they don't do it to get an edge on other people. they just see merit in what they're doing, and can't think of having purpose to their lives if they weren't enjoying it somehow. it may be simple as that. just enjoying things purposelessly, for enjoyment as a purpose.